Wondering

I'm sure some of you are wondering and some of you have even asked why I put what I did in my status the other day on Facebook. And the answer is simple, Blay is awful, I mean, rotten.

Blay has gotten to be very defiant, devious, unruley, you name it, this describes him, even on a good day! I think maybe I babied him or didn't use enough discipline or something when I was home with him. Maybe I wasn't consistent in my disciplining with him for the first two years. Of course, he's picked up some 'bad' stuff from daycare as well. The biggest no-no from daycare.... "NO, pssttthhhtttt" (the last is from his tongue).

I know I am not always consistent in my disciplining with him but sometimes I feel like it isn't even worth it because we are out, I'm exhausted from the constant battling or something. It's something almost every day with him.

Then, while we are out to eat, I think to myself, how is it I have the only 2 year old that can't sit in his seat during a meal, and that doesn't throw a tantrum when something doesn't go just 'perfect' for him?

I have really been struggling with if staying home with him for 2 years was right or not. At the time, it seemed like the right thing to do because I couldn't bear for my baby to go to a daycare. I wanted to be the one who took care of him, nuture him, and raise him. At other times I think, should he really be in daycare now. He's learning yet picking up some bad traits as well. Although he is in a good Christian school, there are still habits, bad habits he picks up from the other children.

I'm so down on myself about being a mother. At times I think I'm doing great and other times, I feel like a failure. Most of those resolve around bad days with Blay or just when he gets so unruly I just give up and let him win. This is where I start to have problems and doubts with my parenting ability, mostly, being a (good)mother.

Well, thanks to the post on Facebook, a good friend at church offered to help me. She's going to school to be a counselor and has/is raising two boys of her own. She gave me a book called Parenting Principles From the Heart of a Pediatrician. I have only started reading the book but I hope it will direct me to a good style of parenting and a way to overcome my doubts and have a child "Trained in the Way of the Lord". So far, I have enjoyed and liked what I have read.

Please pray for me as I continue to reagrow with the Lord, and with Blay. Patience is a virtue, and one that gets quite strained with a 2 year old. Also pray that this book and the Lord will help me overcome all this doubt and fear and be a good mom again.

I'd also love to hear any comments, questions, or concerns about this. I am all ears on this topic because it bothers me constantly.

With Love,

Bye Bye Lane Train

This should sum it up:

Way too long

Okay, so I haven't made good yet on my goal to try and do better with my blogging. Last week, I was out of town for two days for work. Then, we had 'inclement weather'. Pretty much, a dusting on the grass and about an inch of snow on the roads. So I had to work from home on Thursday and Friday. Doing this doesn't leave much time for extracurricular internet work with a 2 year old.

Over the weekend, I wasn't feeling well and had a lot of catching up to do since I had been gone for a couple days. I do have a few pictures of my little baby in the snow with his daddy. They are actually kicking it up on the 4 wheeler. I am too much of a baby to go outside when it was as cold as it was, even though there was snow on the ground. We woke up many mornings the last two weeks with temperature around 10 degrees and not getting any higher than 20 for the high. Add the wind and mountain elevation, I'm out!!!

I promise I will post some pictures of my little snow 'wheeler' when I get a chance. I will also continue to update Picasa with the remaining pictures of 2009 and get a good start off to 2010.

I have a praise that our friends were able to sell their house without even having to put it on the market. However, they are still in need of prayers to be blessed with a little one. I will also update my prayer requests soon.

Well, off to work I go again. It's not a good day today! Love to all you!

2010...No way

What happened to Y2K? Are we here, a decade later, after this huge 'threat' to our society? Can you believe it's been a decade, 10 YEARS since that!

I remember where I was and who I was with that night. And we were all wondering what the next morning would bring. The result: Nothing....not to my aknowledgement anyways.

So how has the past decade treated me? What have we gone through? Here is a little to tell. Loss of my grandfather, Dad divorcing, little sister had a baby, got a 'real' job, bought a car, met the man of my dreams, dad remarried, I married, bought land, had a baby, step sister lost babies, graduated college, bought a house, death of a grandmother, and these things are just to name a few. This past decade was full of wonder and excitement as well as many new adventures. And yes, getting married is an adventure, along with raising a little boy.

In marriage, I have found the love of my life and having a good, strong foundation in our Heavenly Father will only keep us the way we are. It will also draw us closer together, especially if I will continue to try to show my soulmate the respect he needs and deserves (don't know about this, check out the finished book to the right). I couldn't of asked for God to of given me a better person to have given my life on earth too. Or someone else to parent children with.

My son, our son, Blaylock or Mr. B as we tend to call him more often than not. Who knew I would have soo much fun being a parent, best yet, a mommy to a little boy. There is so much indescribalbe love and joy of being a mother, so much I never would have realized. Don't get me wrong, there are times when I am just so frustrated, exhausted, ready to give up, etc just like each of you but I try to take it in stride and just go with it. After all, he's only 2!!! God has given us a beautiful, healthy son and for that, I am most gracious. I have two wonderful men by my side day in and day out and honestly don't know what I would do without either one of them now.

What's in store for this year? This decade? I have no earthly idea, only God (literally) knows what I am going to be up against. I do know that my faith, our faith in Jesus and the Word will help keep us strong and protect us from defeating forces. I know we will be attacked on different levels but we will stay focused on life, marriage, finances, and know that we have a reward greater than anything on earth waiting for us here, we will be just fine.

My plans for this year:

Better Mother: this isn't saying that I am a bad mother, but I know without a doubt there are things that I can definitely improve upon.

Better Wife: I do admit at having a hard time with this. Being submissive is the hardest part of all this but we are commanded to do so. Romans 5:22-24 "Wives, submit to your own husbands as unto the Lord. For the Husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so wives should submit in everything to their husbands". This is my plan, to love, respect, and submit like a wife should, with Jesus' help.

Work: To be an example employee in work conduct, actions, and words, all while showing a Christian attitude and heart. My prayer is to let these things help show Christ through me for co-workers to see and want what I have.

Blogging: To be more open, reliable, and dependable on blogging. I am not 'with it' at times and tend to get sooo busy that I do not post when I should or what I should. I want to make the blog a place for friends, family, and future friends with family updates, what God is and has done, and bargaining deals all encompassed here.

Finances: To get back on my couponing and saving mode!!! I am going to track my savings this year thanks to Money Saving Mom and her savings tracker! I really want to know how much I actually save doing the crazy things I do, like checking out 4 times at CVS in the same trip. I also want to have more input and help with John on our own finances.

Family: To keep you updated via blog and email what is going on with our lives through blogging and pictures. Of which, I have uploaded some new photos to Picasa (also viewable at right). I also want to start, maybe once a week, doing a family devotional. I just have to find a source of them in which can incorporate a 2 year old.

Religion: To read the entire Bible this year. I won't be able to read it in 90 days as Mandy but that is my goal. I have never done this. I have read a large portion of both Old & New testaments but not all of the books in each. In addition to reading, I intend to improve my Prayer and Devotional times. I do these but not as a Child of God should.

So, these are my goals for this year. Plain and simple. Not really resolutions, but things I want to acheive. My resolution? To keep my new car clean! As to which John responded, "We'll see".